Deciding on Labiaplasty: Feelings, Partners and Support

Feeling unsure about labiaplasty is normal. Many women feel relief, worry, embarrassment and hope all at once, and it can take months or years to decide. There is no deadline, and deciding not to have surgery is always a good outcome if it's right for you.

This guide covers the feelings women often describe, how the cooling-off period protects you, how to talk to a partner (including what they need to know for the first 48 hours), and who you can talk to for support.

Mixed feelings are normal

Most women who ask about labiaplasty have thought about it privately for a long time. It's common to feel self-conscious just raising the subject, and to worry about being judged for wanting it, or for not wanting it.

You might feel several things at once: hope that a physical problem will ease, guilt about considering surgery for a part of your body that is healthy, or fear of pain and complications. None of these mean you are making the wrong choice. They mean you are taking it seriously.

Labia vary widely and almost all are normal. Labiaplasty is a personal choice, and the only right answer is the one that fits your body, your reasons and your life.

Questions to ask yourself

Before your consultation, it can help to write down your answers to these:

• What exactly bothers me: rubbing, discomfort in clothes or exercise, how my labia look, or a mix?
• How long has it bothered me, and is it getting better, worse or staying the same?
• Who am I doing this for? Would I still want it if no one else ever saw the result?
• What do I expect to be different afterwards, and is that realistic?
• Have I seen how varied normal labia are, for example on the Labia Library?
• Can I take about a week off physical work and six weeks off sex and heavy exercise?
• How would I feel if the result were different from what I imagine?

Bring your answers to your consultation. Dr Hadi is required to ask about your reasons and expectations, and your notes make that conversation easier.

The cooling-off period protects you

Under the Medical Board of Australia's cosmetic surgery guidelines, there must be a cooling-off period of at least 7 days after your two consultations and signed consent, before surgery can be booked or a deposit paid. No money is payable for surgery until it ends, other than your consultation fees.

Think of these days as yours. Reread your information, look at the risks again, and talk to your GP or someone you trust. The guidelines encourage you to discuss your reasons with your GP during this time.

You can change your mind at any point, including on the day of surgery. Your consent is confirmed again before the operation, and no one will be upset if you decide to stop or wait.

When someone else is pushing

Labiaplasty should be your decision alone. If a partner, ex-partner, friend or anyone else is pressuring you to have surgery, or to change how your body looks, that is a reason to pause. The same applies if someone is pressuring you not to have it when you've thought it through.

Dr Hadi will ask about outside pressure in private, as the guidelines require. If you feel controlled or unsafe in a relationship, you can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Talking to your partner

You don't have to tell anyone. Some women keep labiaplasty completely private, and that's a valid choice. If you live with a partner, though, it's usually easier if they know enough to help you recover.

If you'd like to tell them, choose a calm moment, not during or just after sex. Start with your reasons, in your own words, for example: "Something has been bothering me for a long time, and I've decided to look into it with a specialist." You can share this guide, or our main labiaplasty page, so they can read about it themselves.

Partners often worry about pain, risks, or whether sex will change. Labiaplasty is not done to change sexual function, and for most women it doesn't. You're welcome to bring your partner to a consultation to ask Dr Hadi their questions directly.

What your partner needs to know for the first 48 hours

If your partner or a friend is looking after you, share this list with them:

• Drive you home. You can't drive yourself home after surgery, and someone needs to stay with you for the first 24 hours.
• Ice. Ice wrapped in a tea towel goes on the area on the day of surgery and the next morning, to help with swelling.
• Medicines. Antibiotic tablets and pain relief come home with you. Help keep track of doses.
• Pads and toilet routine. You'll wear a pad for about a week. After the toilet, rinse with water, pat dry and apply Vaseline, about three times a day. You can shower from the day after surgery.
• Rest and comfort. Loose clothing, a soft cushion and no long periods of sitting. Help with lifting, children and housework.
• When to call. Call Dr Hadi straight away for a temperature above 38°C, heavy bleeding, pain, redness or swelling that gets worse, or discharge that smells unpleasant. You'll be given her direct number.

Your check-up is the next day. Read the full labiaplasty recovery guide for the weeks that follow.

Intimacy during recovery

Sex, tampons and menstrual cups wait until 6 weeks after surgery, so the stitches aren't disrupted. Dr Hadi will confirm you're healing well before then.

Closeness doesn't have to stop. Cuddling and touch that doesn't press on or rub the area are fine when you feel like it. When you do start having sex again, go gently, use plenty of lubricant, and stop if anything hurts. Our guide to exercise and sex after labiaplasty has more detail.

Who to talk to

You don't have to work through this alone. Good places to start:

• Your GP. Your GP writes your referral and can talk through your reasons, check for other causes of discomfort, and refer you to a psychologist if you'd like more support.
• A psychologist. Helpful if thoughts about your appearance feel constant, upsetting, or are affecting your relationships, work or daily life.
• Beyond Blue. Free counselling by phone, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 1300 22 4636, or by webchat.
• Butterfly Foundation. The national helpline for body image and eating concerns, on 1800 33 4673, 7 days a week, 8am to midnight (AEST/AEDT).
• 1800RESPECT. On 1800 737 732 if you feel pressured or unsafe in a relationship.

Body image resources

If you'd like to understand the normal range better, the Labia Library from Women's Health Victoria shows real photos of many different vulvas. Our guide to what is normal labia explains the different shapes and lengths Dr Hadi sees.

If you notice you're checking your body often, comparing yourself with others, or avoiding situations because of how you look, read healthdirect's information on body dysmorphic disorder. It explains that BDD usually needs professional help and doesn't tend to improve on its own. Every patient is screened for it at their first consultation with Dr Hadi.

Feelings after surgery

The first weeks can be emotional. Swelling and bruising can last several weeks, so the area may look worse before it settles, and colour differences between the front and back of the labia usually blend over time. It's normal to feel flat or worried during this stage.

Your follow-up visits are the next day, at 3 months and at 12 months [CHECK 12], and you can call between them with any concern. Results vary from person to person, and all surgery carries risks. Read labiaplasty risks and sensation before you decide, and contact us on 02 9526 6885 when you're ready to talk.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to feel nervous about labiaplasty?

Yes. Most women feel a mix of hope and worry. The two consultations and the cooling-off period give you time to ask questions and make a decision you're comfortable with.

Should I tell my partner I'm having labiaplasty?

That's your choice. If you live together, telling them usually makes recovery easier, because someone needs to drive you home and stay with you for the first 24 hours.

When can I have sex after labiaplasty?

From 6 weeks after surgery, once Dr Hadi confirms you're healing well. Cuddling and touch that doesn't press on the area are fine before then.

Can my partner come to my labiaplasty consultation?

Yes. You can bring a partner or support person, or come alone. Dr Hadi may ask to speak with you privately for part of the visit.

What if I change my mind about labiaplasty?

You can change your mind at any time, including on the day of surgery. No surgery can be booked until at least 7 days after you give consent.

Who can I talk to about body image concerns?

Your GP is a good start. You can also call the Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

Does my partner's opinion matter?

Their support can help, but the decision is yours. If anyone is pressuring you towards or away from surgery, pause and talk it through with your GP or Dr Hadi.